Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
