i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
