I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
