Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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