Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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