Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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