I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
