hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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