It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
is it fun? or sober?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
