woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
