he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
