i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
