Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
