It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize