Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
