Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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