yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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