I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
