some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
