and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
