I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
