There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
