ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
