Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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