The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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