I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
