Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
