dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize