And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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