I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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