Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
