i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
