we'll go far in life on tits alone.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So vagazzling was a success
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
