carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize