Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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