guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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