'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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