Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
