Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Less talking, more tequila
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
