Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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