Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
