dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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