Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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