I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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