I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Randomize
