does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Randomize
