He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
