I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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