Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
