i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
