he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
