I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
