the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize