can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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