remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
