so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
