so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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