How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
