Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
