I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
