yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
